Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize