just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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