I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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