I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
