theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just forgot I was standing up.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
