she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize