clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize