Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize