Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
