I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
