Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
