lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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