Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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