It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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