For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
