FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
