before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
