If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
