the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize