Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
