dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
