My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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