I'm pants shitting drunk right now
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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