We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
