I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
