Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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