1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
