Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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