it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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