just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
