I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
