You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
