Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
