Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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