Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
