I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
too bad you live with your parents still
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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