you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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