The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
