I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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