My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
