i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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