Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
