the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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