Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
