Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
