i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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