You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
