I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
