Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
