I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
