I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
