Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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