Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
50% drunk capacity currently
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
