He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
