North Korea, Best Korea!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
