i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you had me at cake vodka
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
