one might say we're banned from that church
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
