i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
