i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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