Please, let me fuck your mom
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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