Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
