I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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