ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
