whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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