my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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