Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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