Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
