You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
