i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
not ubering you a puppy
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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