I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
