Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
