Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
